So, this week a woman that I know decided to “educate me” about how the world works. While telling her of a guy that I thought was attractive, she proceeded to tell me that I was cute, but that I needed to start working out. She said that the only thing that guys cared about was an attractive body (which I’m assuming she thinks I don’t have), and that I needed to work on getting one. She told me that she was only telling me this to better me because “that’s just the way the world is”. She said it in such a finite way so as to make me think that there must be some truth to her lunacy. It deeply affected me. I wish that it had not, but it did. So, I set out to separate truth from mere conjecture in order to sort out my feelings on the subject. Here is what I have come up with:
First of all, what may be attractive to one person, may not be attractive to all people. I, for one, am attracted to nerdy guys (glasses, intelligent, funny), while most of my cousins are not. Now, my cousins are all thin and VERY beautiful, but most are still single as well. I don’t think that there have ever been two guys of the same look and build among the men I’ve been involved with, which begs the question, is there even a particular type physically I’m attracted to? The answer to that question would probably be no. What I find attractive in a man cannot be quantified, it is something that goes beyond skin deep. It comes from a place that is so much more pure, more real.
As a Christian woman, I have relied on God my whole life to direct my path. I have tried to see myself through His eyes instead of the eyes of man, and have been pretty successful thus far. However, this recent incident has caused me (however briefly) to question whether or not it is my fault that I am in the place that I am. I have agonized over this guilt for days. The guilt that perhaps I have been impeding His progress in my life. I have been trying to bring the creator of the entire universe (omniscient, omnipresent, all-powerful GOD) down to my pitiful level, to tether Him to the trivial and meaningless opinions of a lustful world. Opinions that He cannot and never will share. I have been trying to take HIS power and give it to their useless opinions. As pointless an endeavor as it was, it caused me grief for days.
Until I realized one important truth: love is not seen with the eyes, but felt with the heart. I am not in the market for silly little hook-ups and a casual dinner that goes nowhere. I am not in the market for years of “I like you”. I want LOVE! I want the kind of love that is frantic, irrational, unrelenting. I want real love, and real love is not lust. Lust fades quickly, but love remains even through the darkest times. After all, when you say that the only thing that you like about a girl is how she looks, that’s lust, not love.
In conclusion, I want to say that there have been a handful of times in my life that have truly tested the limits of my faith. There have been a few times in my life that I have had to take a long, hard look at myself and decide what I saw there. When I had to decide what I wanted to see there. This was one of those times. I am glad to say that (as was the case every time before) I sought God. I sought His heart and heard His voice. I. Am. Enough.